How can we ever forget the iconic and highly quotable moment the Dowager Countess, played by the incomparable Maggie Smith, remarked “What is a week end?”. If there were ever a sentence in history that spoke to disconnected privilege, this must be it. I found myself extensively pondering what it must be like to live that life. How must it feel to have a sphinx-like indifference to the days of the week? To wake when you want, to have no agenda other than enterprises you deem worthy, to nap if the mood strikes, or to go for a walk simply because it is a beautiful day must be an amazingly glorious style of living. Can you imagine?
Ironically, I find myself in exactly this situation. I don’t work a 9-5 and am not chained to a desk, a phone, or a boss. In the spirit of full disclosure, I also find myself without a staff, an endless supply of family money, and that fabulous accent. What I do have is an endless amount of hours to do with what I wish. It’s an extremely odd feeling for someone who has focused so acutely on building a career. Most of my life has been spent working exhaustingly long hours, persuing and completing three degree programs, raising three children, running a household, and attempting to be a wife, daughter, and friend with what little time I had to spare. To this day I find myself frantically checking my phone from time to time only to stop and remind myself that there are no calls to return, no one to impress with lightning-quick response times, no fires to put out. Calm down Angela. No. One. Needs. You. ..except for Eleanor, of course. Ah, that’s right, Eleanor, my ever-present bundle of love, my cuddle bug, my mess of curls, bottomless pit, ball of energy is now a full-time presence in what used to be my very serene day. So here I sit on a Monday morning wondering what exactly is a “weekend” for a stay-at-home mother? When you flip the Dowager’s question from never needing a break to never having a break, it takes on a more somber note. When I worked full time, she was my break from work. I was happy to come home and lose myself in my family and shake off the stress of the day even if it meant replacing that stress with the stress of diapers, feedings, laundry, and sleepless nights. Now, there is no break from the stress of motherhood. I feel like a shark who must move constantly or perish in order to stay on top of everything required to run a toddler as well as a home. How did I do this while working 60 hours a week? Not well, I’m guessing.
I’ve gotten the opportunity to get to know a few other stay-at-home moms recently thanks to my local MOPS (Moms of Preschoolers) group. These are some of the smartest, most hard working women I have ever met. On top of raising a family, they are also building home-based businesses, volunteering, mentoring, helping each other out, and raising each other up, all while trying to maintain some semblance of feminine identity. I suppose a weekend to them just means that there is slightly more help around the house. That begs the question, exactly how much additional help can you expect from the sole bread winner? I am thankful for every ounce of help my husband affords me (and he affords much more than I would ever ask) but he needs his weekend for rest and relaxation just as much as the next person.
So where does a full-time mom find rest? Speaking from very limited experience, I have found it in my MOPS meetings, my Sunday mornings at church, generous family members, even play dates afford a bit of a break where mommy is not the sole source of companionship. Believe it or not, I even found rest around midnight last night when the house was fast asleep and I felt the urge to write. Creative outlets, for me, have been a lifesaver in many ways. Knitting, cooking, and writing keep me centered, happy, and remind me of who I am outside of motherhood.
So while today is Manic Monday for most of the world, today is just another day for my fellow defenders of the domicile. So, here’s to you my darlings. I wish you a week full of hot coffee, compliant children, and only mildly-annoying children’s shows.
